what???

kxly -- spokane, wa (funny story)

only in spokane, home of meth labs and mullets. ha!

i wanna sleep

i am sitting in class doing everything humanly possible to stay awake. yadda yadda, business this, business that. i have almost chewed through my lip trying to fight the inevitable. why do they make these chairs so comfortable, and these rooms a balmy 73 degrees? every time i try to steal a little shut-eye, my head snaps back so hard it amazes me it is still attached. i thought writing something might help remedy my drowsiness but i think that its getting worse. each finger-stoke feels like...well something extremely difficult. i am so tired i cannot even come up with suitable analogies. perhaps, i will post more later, or maybe not.

day of rest

since today is sunday and i am feeling slightly lazy, (when am i not) i think i will take the day off from making any post that requires thought. i apologize for my apathy, i will post on monday. in addition, if you want to leave any comments feel free i would love to hear the feedback of my quickly growing reader-base. :)ha!

who dressed you?

sometimes i wonder what people could possibly be thinking when they get dressed in the morning. now i realize that making this post could cause my readers to think that i am a man-lover but who cares. are straight guys like myself not allowed to be appalled by the clothing combinations some of our fashionably challenged acquaintances choose? i mean seriously, do people dress worse than the weekly walmart ad intentionally or are they just completely oblivious to things like color coordination and the fact that spandex never look good?

first of all, anything you wear that you have to peel out of your crack at the end of the day is definitely unacceptable, even if you are kate moss. cracks are not attractive and should not be accentuated by your attire. next on my list of grievances against the promoters of ugliness, if you feel the need to tuck in your t-shirt, please wear a belt. as far as i can tell, the kind of people who tuck their t-shirts in, would definitely find an un-tucked t-shirt far more flattering on their midsections. you don’t have to advertise how much you love beer, last time i checked no one was holding a contest. nevertheless, if you must tuck, naked belt loops make me think you must have had at least nine of the beverage you are campaigning for when you picked your garments for the day. a belt, though a simple accessory is essential for any tucker (plus in the event you must bend over, the rest of us won’t have to suffer through a mistaken glance at the seam that separates your butt cheeks just below your waist).

since i have already brought up the belt, i must point something else out. if you are wearing black pants wear a black belt. its that simple. i don’t understand how somebody could possibly think brown superior to black when wearing black. are you trying to show your brown belt off by creating a terrible contrast? do you want us all to be like, “cool brown belt man, is it new?” perhaps you have not reached the pinnacle of karate like myself and feel you are unworthy of dawning the ever elusive black-belt. even worse, maybe you clothed yourself in a drunken stupor amidst the dark of night and upon reaching daylight, your ignorance is now on display for the rest of the world to see. whatever the case, i think for your own sake you should know; black looks really nice with black, and brown, well it goes excellently with brown.

i guess i could sit here and continue to rant about the stupidity of the world’s tapered jeans wearers. i could mock things like hawaiian shirts, denim shorts, and your favorite frat boy’s pooka-shell necklace but i have come to the conclusion that those people are probably illiterate as well. maybe i will grab a megaphone and take to the streets. perhaps i could leave well enough alone and just let people blissfully continue to dress up like they are going out to denny’s.

yawn

have you ever wondered why yawns are contagious? it seems that when someone yawns it sets off a chain reaction that quickly snowballs into a room full of oxygen sucking idiots. unbeknown to the average yawner, there is no such thing as a unique yawn. near the dawn of time a young boy was trying to see how fast he could fill his lungs to capacity. in doing so he opened his mouth widely in order to create the largest vacuum possible. this young lad was accompanied by his best friend who was never one to be outdone. upon seeing his slack-jawed companion's odd mannerisms, he followed suit. this was observed by an innocent bystander, who, having no mind of his own, quickly copied the boys in order to be deemed cool. soon peer pressure took its nasty course and everyone was doing it. the yawn quickly spread and transcended all cultural and natural boundaries. yet the nearly 100 trillion subsequent yawns that have spanned our short human history are actually that same yawn produced by a young boy’s innocent curiosity. his yawn has been passed from person to person for many generations.

unfortunately, the modern day yawn has become much more diabolical than the yawn of yesteryear. you see, we as humans are inherently selfish, and the contemporary yawn, being a sinister mutation of its earlier days, preys on this notion. without even knowing why, we feel we must respond to any yawner with a yawn of our own. when we see someone yawning it triggers something within us both dark and subconscious. we feel as if the perpetrator of the yawn is acting unfairly by inhaling more than their socially accepted share of our limited air supply (what a crappy band). our immediate response is to suck in as much air as possible for fear that the overindulgence of another may soon deprive us of our most basic of needs.

have you ever seen a yawn enter a room? it is not a pretty sight. the yawn secretly ferries a ride into a given area and then wreaks its havoc. a room full of otherwise mild-mannered people is turned into a group of primitive neanderthals fighting for their survival. back and forth goes the yawn as each person present gasps for breath with all the suction they can muster. and as quickly as the yawn came in, it vanishes moving on in search of its next victim. all that is left is a poignant aftermath of bleary-eyed simpletons. suddenly, the whole room is overcome with an overwhelming sense of drowsiness as the yawn continues to run rampant from continent to continent.

we must stop this madness at once! we must put an end to the tyrannical reign of the yawn. i implore you, fight this villain to the death. we have the power to eradicate this plague. next time the yawn comes your way, fight the urge. hold closed your mouth at all costs, do not let this fiend exploit you. be valiant and steadfast; and together we will defeat this age-old affliction.

ethnocentric idiot

so apparently i am ethnocentric, at least that's what my anthropology teacher says. i couldn't help but laugh as she babbled on about the trappings of my mindset. i am definitely not racist or bigoted, yet the fact that i think my culture is in some way superior to the culture of some less developed country makes me a moron. i now know it is wrong of me to think that our advancements are superior to the stone axes and hieroglyphics of our more isolated counterparts. isn't college amazing, my mind is being expanded to be able to comprehend these seemingly counterintuitive theories. thanks to my higher education i can now throw my laptop out the window, and run naked to the forest in search of my next meal which i will kill with my newly formed spear. i had no clue how wrong i have been for so long. i can't wait to be liberated from my narrow minded view of life and make giant leaps backwards in human evolution.

i think the problem here is that the anthropology department at this fine institution has become anthocentric. they have formed their unique views and now deem the rest of us, who happen to think about things with slight hints of logic, inferior. they have become the superior specimens in our society and try to inform the rest of us how much better their thinking is while simultaneously looking down on us. here in lies a glaring contradiction, which means they are teaching me a bunch of crap. you can not teach it as a better way of thinking without holding some centric view of your own. i love all culture but i happen to value things like air conditioning more than say, oh i dunno, dying of heat stroke in the sahara, all the while sticking to my non-ethnocentric views. whatever, kudos to college.

it rained today

usually by this time of year the weather is nice, not to say that rain is bad. in fact i usually find it therapeutic and relaxing. however, the overcast sky and incessant drizzle that marked today were depressing. rain, great! but the attempt at rain known as a drizzle is unpleasant. if your going to rain on me then rain already, but don't tease me with this hint at what could be. that aside, days like today really kill any motivation i may have. nothing appeals to my emotions, nothing inspires me and i find it virtually impossible to escape this state. my mood, like the weather is nothing more than overcast and i am unmoved by any event that transpires. i find this troubling (though not enough to be moved) i hate it when i become dead to my surroundings and to the events that come my way. oh well, whatever, nevermind.

It's Me 

hello world

so perhaps it is a bit conceited on my part to commence with this. after all, who cares about my opinion anyway. nevertheless, i have become drunk with power, the world is now my audience and i will sound off occasionally whether or not anyone is listening. blah, blah, blah!!!! i know i am a bit of a late adopter here, yet i have finally moved beyond thinking this is too onerous. here goes, i hope you enjoy my interpretation of the way things are.